What I do.
You hate philosophical overcomplications and overenthusiastic words of utterly confident personality development coaches?
This is what I do:
Writing. Riding bikes. Playing upright bass. Going to Nature.
Reflecting about life. Doubting myself.
Creating a mess to tidy it up afterwards.
So this is basically what you will find here.
Resist and read:
Who am I?
I tend to ask myself when I go through troubles.
So did I when my teacher kicked me
out of the academy's large ensemble with the words:
Your intonation is too bad,
the band falls apart because of your playing.
Luckily I managed to redirect this kick to my ass.
I decided not to be snapped as usual,
surrender to the penetrant voice of judgment in my head and resign
but to look in the mirror and truly ask the question to myself:
Who am I?
I realized that I couldn't answer it.
At this moment I knew that my skills were not enough for playing with this ensemble.
I wasn’t prepared.
I was lazy.
But does it mean that I am not a double bassist?
What defines yourself anyways?
After I had overcome the feelings of shame and insecurity,
a talk with a dear friend turned into the ignition
for the decision to listen to my voice of aspiration.
It had been long drowned out by a resistance,
fed by the little judge in my head,
whispering 100 reasons why not to follow my surreal ideas.
It seemed that after a long time of doubt I gathered enough
confidence to start being a decisionmaker rather than a decisiontaker.
I don't want others to define who I am.
I don't want to wait till the circumstances throw me onto the remaining path of surrender and hiding.
I want to trust my Ideas and start drawing my own path.
And so did I.
When 2022 started I already decided
that I want to finish my ERASMUS year
in Tallinn, Estonia by riding home to Germany by bike.
That being already a distance of 1.724 km,
was not enough of a challenge for me.
I had 3 months without any obligations.
So I wanted to do a significantly longer distance
than my last bike trip which was
crossing Germany together with my Dad in 2021:
1.387km in 14 Days.
During i checked maps for a route through Finland and Sweden,
I thought: why not go as north as you can,
if you’re already close to the Polar circle.
Two weeks later I wrote onto my Bucket List:
But this wasn’t surreal.
Many people have done this.
Although many people can't imagine spending three months
getting their ass ripped wound by a saddle,
it didn’t feel like I’m afraid of doing it.
- What risk is a hurting ass anyways?
Two days after i got fired from the ensemble I woke up with the voice of aspiration screaming the epitome of surreality to me:
Take your F****** Upright Bass with you.
So this is my story:
It's about how I started to trust in this Idea: driving from Tallinn to Frankfurt with my upright bass.
How I grow it from a little seed of a dream to a rooted tree, which is real.
About the doubts and failures, risks and reconsiderations, patience and pressure.
The Illusion of freedom and the chains of realism.
I don’t know where this will take me,
but I don't care since the only failure would be not to do it.
What I know is that I want to take you with me on this ride.
Don’t expect a blog like others out there.
I won't provide you with the recipe
for how to find yourself in 5 simple steps.
Neither I want to sell you stupid stuff or share calendar quotes,
you can decorate your toilet with.
This simply is a documentation of this journey and platform
to share my learnings and experiences with you.
I hope this can inspire you to overcome,
as Arthur Ward says:
The greatest hazard in Life:
Sending a virtual hug to the unknown expanses of the internet,
hopefully reaching you